Uncomfortable
Image by Prateek Katyal
Have you lost the connection in your relationship a bit? Don't wait to say something until you can perfectly express what is going on. Sometimes, it is easy to discuss what is going on. But there are times that it is more of a vague feeling, and it might be uncomfortable to start the conversation. I notice that in my life, too. It’s my ideal to be the perfect conversation partner and to be able to articulate what is going on for me clearly. To listen carefully, reflect thoughtfully and easily find the right solution together. In everyday life, it is often more difficult. It's searching for words, starting off awkwardly, and while talking, noticing that things are different from your first thought. It takes a while before you find each other in the conversation. But what starts awkwardly, what needs some searching for what it is really about, eventually leads to finding the deeper layer.
I think a certain awkwardness is just part of these conversations, and that the discomfort is a good sign. It's like untangling a long cable that has been lying in the corner of the shed for a while. You start somewhere, pull at it, and notice that things become more stuck. Okay, now try again. You start from the other end, loosen it up a bit, and take another piece out of a loop. Step by step, you will untangle it further, and with patience, curiosity and some perseverance, you will eventually have a good cable again.
The same goes for difficult conversations. You start somewhere, and you can't quite figure it out. You try something else, and it goes a bit better, but it's not quite there yet. Step by step, you make progress, and slowly, it becomes clear what the real subject is. Some discomfort is inevitably part of it.
Good communication skills are important in a relationship, but it's just as important that you can tolerate awkwardness and ambiguity. Don't know where to start? That's a good sign. You are coming to a new horizon. That starts with taking the first step, simply from where you are at right now.
Occasionally, enduring the discomfort is difficult, and you cannot resolve it together. That's normal. I am happy to help you find new paths.