So, Who Am I?
Living My Life Backwards
Hi, I’m Nik. I am 48 years old, and I live in Amsterdam. I often feel like I am living my life backwards. As a child and teenager, I was pretty serious. From being quite frozen by childhood struggles, I have learned to deeply trust the wisdom of my body. These days, I feel I am much more tapped into my spontaneous joy and playfulness, my authenticity, and a general sense of aliveness.
I am a fast thinker, slightly nerdy, but also a bit of a social butterfly. I love complexity and analysing different approaches. Preferably with a bit of humour. I am not a one-trick pony.
Sometimes I am a bit competitive, but also the slowest runner in my weekly training group. A good exercise in patience.
The connection between body and mind is a central thread in my life. Both elements played a big part in my childhood. My mother taught me to always listen to my body. And the dinner table at home was a place for cheerful debates and different perspectives.
During my philosophy studies, I learned to think structurally and confront my own errors in thinking. That is an ongoing process.
Over the past 25 years, I have deepened my body awareness through various approaches. I have experience with both intense working methods and the soft and slow approach of somatic methods. I seek the right balance between safety and risk in everything I do.
‘A good relationship needs safety and at the same time the space to take risks.’
Nik van den Berg
How I Work
Some people see love as a fairy tale. But I think that real love develops in the thick of things. It involves getting to know the other with all their flaws. Holding on to your own beliefs and boundaries and remaining open and adaptive to your partner. Giving and receiving, in the right balance. This leads to creative solutions, new insights, and more profound experiences. That is real intimacy. Not always easy, but worth it.
I use different approaches and continue to learn. The starting point is always the balance between safety and challenge. The safety of knowing what you want and taking the risk to stand up for it. The ability to regulate yourself when things get complicated and the ability to continue listening to your partner, even when they want something entirely different from you.
No approach is a perfect solution. Your input on what works and what doesn't is very welcome. It makes the issues even clearer and gives space for creative solutions. My sessions are always custom-made.
Nothing (okay, little) human is alien to me.
Formal Bio
BADER-PEARSON DEVELOPMENTAL MODEL
I am trained in the Developmental Model for relationships at the The Couples Institute. This model is based on attachment theory, neuroscience and differentiation theory. - I am inspired by the combination of creating safety and, at the same time, making space for each person’s utter individuality.
SOMATIC EXPERIENCING
I am a certified Somatic Experiencing Practitioner based on the work of Peter Levine. This is a very gentle body-based approach to integrate the difficult episodes of your life. - I am touched by how deep and transformative this gentle, slow work can be.
VITA SEX, LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP COACHING
I have done 5 years of deep work at Layla Martin’s Tantric Institute for Integrated Sexuality. Here, modern-day neuroscience is combined with ancient practices and the latest insights in somatic healing. I am registered at the Dutch organisation for coaches NOBCO and certified as a VITA™ Sex, Love and Relationship Coach. - I find it very fulfilling to use these tools and guide people to upgrade their lives.
EMBODIMENT WORK
I have a thorough 20-year background in different kinds of deep embodiment work. These include deep (ecstatic) dance practices, bodywork, meditation, and voice work. I am deeply and intimately connected to my own body. - I am in awe of the wisdom of the body.
‘Learning to stay present in the difficult moments is not easy but when you do it creates a new level of connection’.
ACADEMICS
I hold a BA in Analytical Philosophy and I am certified in the Socratic Method of Dialogue and Inquiry. - I enjoy deep nuanced thinking, analysing and approaching complex issues from different perspectives.
I hold a MSc in Business and have a strong background in business, finance and, sustainability. - l love ‘doing’ business.
OTHER RELEVANT TRAININGS AND EXPERIENCE
Institute for Relational Intimacy (Martha Kauppi): Consensual Non-Monogamy Training and Assessing & Treating Sex Issues in Psychotherapy
Esther Perel: Sessions Platform
Gottman Institute: Gottman Method Couples Therapy Training Level 1 and 2
I am part of different supervision and intervision groups that I attend regularly and am committed to my ongoing professional development.
