So, who am I?

Living my life backwards

Hi, I’m Nik. I am 48 years old, and I live in Amsterdam. I often feel like I am living my life backwards. As a child and teenager, I was pretty serious. From being quite frozen by childhood struggles, I have learned to deeply trust the wisdom of my body. These days, I feel I am so much more tapped into my spontaneous joy and playfulness, my authenticity, and a general sense of aliveness.

In addition to my life in Amsterdam, I spend time in Northern Germany with my partner. I love how we keep our long-distance relationship vibrant and connected. Outside of work, I love to go for a run, enjoy art, dance, photography, and philosophy, connect with friends in a combination of utter seriousness and silly banter, and improve my German language skills.

‘A good relationship needs safety and at the same time the space to take risks’.

— NIK VAN DEN BERG

What drives me

I have a curiosity about life. What drives me most of all is getting to the core of what this human existence is all about. We are capable of the most ingenious things and, at the same time, often stumble through life. We can do the highest good and the deepest harm. We can have the most horrible conflicts and yet I continue to believe that when we listen deeper there are answers to the problems we are facing.

How I work

I love working with the themes of relationships, embodiment, and identity. The energy of falling in love usually sustains our intimate relationships in the first months or years. After that, we often have to dive deeper to keep the intimacy alive. It becomes more important to be clear about who you are and to have the skills to stay open to your partner(s) in difficult moments. Being alive in your body and mind and truly present in your own identity is a great help. At the same time, it can be a very scary thing to do.

In my sessions, I use the wisdom of both the mind and the body to see where you might be holding yourself back and where your opportunities for growth are. Growth and change often start with really acknowledging where you are now and where you have come from. My aim is to create a space where all of you is welcome, and where it is truly safe to bring all aspects of yourself. From there you can develop new ways of connecting with others.

I am here to help you accomplish the change you want to see in your life. I work with a great level of transparency; I have no hidden agenda of what I think you should change. I am a facilitator for your growth and will be honest with you about what I see happening. My work is highly skills-oriented. I want you to walk away with tools and skills to help you grow and develop even more after our work together is done.

Formal bio

BADER-PEARSON DEVELOPMENTAL MODEL

I am trained in the Developmental Model for relationships at the The Couples Institute. This model is based on attachment theory, neuroscience and differentiation theory. - I am inspired by the combination of creating safety and, at the same time, making space for each person’s utter individuality.

SOMATIC EXPERIENCING

I am a certified Somatic Experiencing Practitioner based on the work of Peter Levine. This is a very gentle body-based approach to integrate the difficult episodes of your life. - I am touched by how deep and transformative this gentle, slow work can be.

VITA SEX, LOVE AND RELATIONSHIP COACHING

I have done 5 years of deep work at Layla Martin’s Tantric Institute for Integrated Sexuality. Here, modern-day neuroscience is combined with ancient practices and the latest insights in somatic healing. I am registered at the Dutch organisation for coaches NOBCO and certified as a VITA™ Sex, Love and Relationship Coach. - I find it very fulfilling to use these tools and guide people to upgrade their lives.

EMBODIMENT WORK

I have a thorough 20-year background in different kinds of deep embodiment work. These include deep (ecstatic) dance practices, bodywork, meditation, and voice work. I am deeply and intimately connected to my own body. - I am in awe of the wisdom of the body.

‘Learning to stay present in the difficult moments is not easy but when you do it creates a new level of connection’.

ACADEMICS

I hold a BA in Analytical Philosophy and I am certified in the Socratic Method of Dialogue and Inquiry. - I enjoy deep nuanced thinking, analysing and approaching complex issues from different perspectives.

I hold a MSc in Business and have a strong background in business, finance and, sustainability. - l love ‘doing’ business.

OTHER RELEVANT TRAININGS AND EXPERIENCE

Institute for Relational Intimacy (Martha Kauppi): Consensual Non-Monogamy Training and Assessing & Treating Sex Issues in Psychotherapy

Esther Perel: Sessions Platform

Gottman Institute: Gottman Method Couples Therapy Training Level 1 and 2

I am part of different supervision and intervision groups that I attend regularly and am committed to my ongoing professional development.